To hell and back again

To depth of hell I go. Full of despair and sorrow. Truly from the bottom of my heart. This was not the life that I wanted for myself. But it was just to good that it is hard for me to refuse. Without any second I choose to stay there. For myself I wanted a change in my life. From the lameness of a normal life. Now I could do whatever I wanted. Without anyone ever try to stop me. This is the life the I have been wanted all this years. Rather than the life that I have been living all this while. Where it feels like being trapped inside a box. Where you cannot really move freely. And without own free will to do anything. And now I roam freely on this land. Doing whatever I desire the most. Feels like theres a wing behind my back. That can make me fly. After a long journey on my own. Through this path that i chose. Then I finally discovered. There's something missing in this life. I suddenly felt empty inside. But yet I ignored it. From time to time it's started to hurt. The burden get heavier and heavier by the day. Until the day that I felt like dying. There is no other choice for me. But just to wait for the end to come. Suddenly I cried and asked myself. Was it worth it all this while. Is it worth it to throw your life away. Just to have more fun in your life. Then with this broken wing I fly. To go back to where I belong before. From the point of no return. Finally I found the place that I belong. It seems that it's still not too late for me. Then the burden that I felt finally gone. And I felt a lot better. It's been a while now. Living a normal is not really that bad though. There are actually something there in this normal life. But you can't really see it. With your eye or with your hands. You just need to find it by yourself. Through pain and suffering. Because there's no easy way in this life. So just try harder so you can find it. Thats all I can say to you for tonight.